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A few weeks ago, I found myself in the depths of a transformational coaching class. This wasn't just another session, it was an intense, raw, and deeply moving experience that revealed how much power and potential lies within suppressed emotions, particularly anger.
As a coach, I am always expanding my range, learning to hold space for all aspects of human experience, not just for my clients but for myself. Because if there are emotions or parts of me that I struggle with, then how can I truly hold those spaces for others?
And so, I found myself in an exercise that brought me face-to-face with my own anger.
Bearing Witness to Anger
Years ago, I assisted in a leadership retreat where we did an in-person exercise on anger. Participants were split into pairs, one group’s role was to express their anger fully, while the other’s role was simply to bear witness. They weren’t meant to hold or absorb the anger, just to witness it. No comforting, no intervention, no reaction. Just presence.
It was breathtaking. The release that followed, both for those expressing anger and those witnessing it, was profound. I saw people reclaim lost parts of themselves.
A few weeks ago, I got my turn, or at least a version of this online, which I am going to call an Anger Circle. We split into two groups: women on screen, men off-camera. The women were guided to tap into their anger, their rage, their frustration, not just personal anger but the anger they carried from the world, the corporate space, and their life experiences. At first, it was quiet. Too quiet.
I felt myself holding back. A voice inside me asked, Why am I not shouting? Why am I not letting this out? I watched as others hesitated too, as if we were collectively afraid of what might happen if we truly let go.
Then, as more women began to voice their anger, I felt my own rage bubble up. I wanted to scream. I wanted to let it all out. But I still held back. I feared being too much, overshadowing others. I feared my rage was too big, too loud, too unacceptable.
And yet, the more voices I heard, the more permission I felt to let go. The collective energy made it safer. If they can be angry, so can I.
The Weight of Suppressed Anger
For years, I have rationalised away my anger. Instead of allowing myself to feel it, I would justify the other person’s actions.
They didn’t mean it. Maybe they didn’t know better. Maybe I’m overreacting.
But when we don’t allow ourselves to feel anger, it doesn’t disappear. It lingers in our bodies, turning into exhaustion, resentment, or self-doubt. I’ve carried so much anger from my corporate days, times when I sought growth and leadership but was given empty feedback. Times when I deserved more and was met with silence. I didn’t fight back. I didn’t allow myself to be angry. I swallowed it.
And in that session, I began to feel it all.
Reclaiming Anger as a Source of Power
For too long, many of us, especially women, have been conditioned to suppress our anger. We’re told it’s unprofessional, unattractive, disruptive. But what if, instead of suppressing it, we learned how to hold our anger? To listen to it? To use it?
Creating a space for Anger Circles could be a way to practice this. They could be a way to unlock suppressed anger emotion. A way to recognise that anger is not the enemy. It is a messenger. It is a teacher.
Releasing My Deepest Rage
This experience connected deeply to the journey I am on. In my previous blog, I explored the unexpressed anger around being rejected by my father - Embracing the balance of Shadow & Light. During the Anger Circle, something powerful surfaced within me: a rage I had carried for my father. A rage I had never truly let out.
As I stood in this space, surrounded by other women tapping into their own fury, something inside me cracked open. I saw flashes of old memories, moments where I had swallowed my anger, where I had been told to be quiet, to be good, to not make waves. And in that moment, I let it out.
I screamed. I roared. My entire body shook as I gave voice to the rage that had lived inside me for years. And as I did, I felt something shift. I was no longer just carrying anger, I was moving through it.
The release was both terrifying and liberating. And as I looked around at the other women, I saw that I was not alone. We were all releasing generations of silenced rage. We were reclaiming something deep, something primal, something necessary.
What’s Next?
This Anger Circle experience showed me that I still have more anger to express. More to release. More to understand. And I suspect I’m not alone.
So I’m left wondering:
What would happen if we all had safe spaces to process our rage?
How might our relationships, our workplaces, and our world shift if we stopped suppressing and started expressing?
What Are Anger Circles?
This experience has left me wondering: What if we had dedicated spaces to process our anger?
What if we could come together, not to wallow in rage, but to express, witness, and move through it?
Anger circles could be spaces where we:
Bear witness: Create a structured environment where some express their anger while others witness it without judgment or intervention.
Give permission: So many of us don’t even know we’re holding back our anger. Being in a space where others express theirs can help us recognize and release our own.
Move through it: Anger isn’t meant to be held forever. It needs to move. Through sound, movement, or expression, we can allow it to pass through us rather than bury it.
Transform it: Anger can be destructive, but it can also be fuel. It can move us toward action, change, and deeper authenticity.
I don’t have all the answers yet, but I do know this, anger is not the end of the journey. It’s the doorway. And I’m ready to walk through it.
Is this something you would like to explore together? Could we, as a community, create these spaces for each other, spaces where anger is not feared but honoured as a vital part of our journey towards wholeness?
About the Author
Debbie Brupbacher is a Transformation & Career Coach, ultra runner, and founder of Embodied Transformation, guiding leaders, individuals and teams through deep personal growth and self-awareness. Drawing from endurance sports, somatic practices, nature and transformational coaching, she helps others navigate life's challenges with resilience, trust, and embodied presence.
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